August 24, 2012

Why I Would Not Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

I have been on an Apocalyptic/zombie reading kick lately, and if it’s done one thing, it’s brought to light that I would have absolutely no chance of survival….Actually, this post could be titled “Why I Would Not Survive Any Type of Apocalypse”

  1. I don’t run. I honestly, don’t run. I probably couldn’t make it around the block..also run = sweat. I don’t sweat either.
  2. I have a weak stomach. Zombies are gross and I would probably throw up before I could get away.
  3. Apocalypse's in general, usually mean food shortages… I do not function with low blood sugar. It makes me tired and weepy, so I would probably faint, or cry or both before I could get away.
  4. I have no basic survival skills- I don’t know how to make a fire, or build a shelter..also, I hate dirt.
  5. I don’t know how to fish, or hunt, or “gather”
  6. also… I don’t garden. I try, but the vegetables apparently need regular watering, and weeding.
  7. I have no fighting skills. No Martial Arts or Kick boxing… not even Tai Chi.
  8. I have no weapons, and If I did I wouldn’t know how to use them.
  9. I am too trusting. I would probably trust the wrong person and they would throw me to the zombies as bait, or as a decoy.
  10. I like my house and my bed, and my TV and my computer and all the comforts of home. How could I  leave? I’d stay and eventually they’d find me….
What about you? Would you have what it takes to survive?
Here are a few of my favourite Zombie/Apocalyptic Reads:
The Forest of Hands and Teeth (The Forest of Hands and Teeth, #1) The Dead-Tossed Waves (The Forest of Hands and Teeth, #2) The Dark and Hollow Places (The Forest of Hands and Teeth, #3) This is Not a Test Dark Inside (Dark Inside, #1)Rage Within (Dark Inside, #2) The Enemy (The Enemy, #1)Zombies Vs. Unicorns


  1. Hahah! This was such an awesome post!

    I'm in the same boat as you. As I was reading, I kept thinking, "I'M THE EXACT SAME!"

    I hate running. And so I never run. Except when my dog pulls me along (I have no choice - she's too strong!)

    I hate hate HATE gross stuff. I can't watch horror movies (except, funnily enough, zombie movies). I just don't like blood and gore and guts. BLARGH.

    And I'm always, ALWAYS, hungry. I get headaches if I don't eat. And grumpy. And tired. And I get headaches if I don't drink coffee in the morning. Or if I don't get enough sleep. Basically, my body rebels against me in th form of massive headaches if I don't give it what it wants. Which means I definitely would not survive!

  2. Amen to this. If the apocalypse happens we can hang out, okay? It's not *too* far, so I'll make my way to you, and then at least we can commiserate about our last days together. =b